I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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