mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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