The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize