Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
