I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
