i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
