Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
