Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
