I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
