i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
