Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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