i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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