Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you will always have a special place in my vag
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
