3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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