I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She's the barista slut.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
