I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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