the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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