lets start a swedish sibling band together
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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