Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Text me some of your sweat
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
