shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
did i walk over a car last night?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
