Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
