it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
