I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
