Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
