Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize