I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
