He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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