I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
