Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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