We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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