So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
