I just made out with a guy for $7.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
