We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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