did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
