At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
