I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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