you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
