The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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