Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
