your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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