ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
