haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
