Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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