Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
