Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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