Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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