So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
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