I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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