Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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