he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
