yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
