Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
