Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize