Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
