I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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