When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
