You work out of a Hotel?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
