After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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