i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
What drink are we having for lunch?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
