Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
