Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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