Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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