All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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