My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize