the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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