She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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