i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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