I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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