Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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