My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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