CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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