it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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