mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize