If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
