So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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