Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
