I puked a lego.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
