This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
