Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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