you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
