i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
