Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
