Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
