Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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