He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
