Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
My life is pants optional.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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