The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
