All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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